Ted Haggard, You Gay Bucket

I can't help but to have this distressing feeling whenever I hear Ted Haggard news. It's like this parochial wave of religiosity comes streaming out of his mega-church and sweeps up all the gayness in this net of doom bringing back to his layer at a later point, hundreds of innocent barely out of high school aged boys for his delight. That's what I feel when I hear Ted Haggard news.
Haggard was on Oprah today to grieve like his mother just spanked him. Not because of his previous faux gay encounter but because another boy just shot out of the water spout saying that he had a consensual relationship with the hypocrite preacher.
(Read about him: Ted Haggard)
What's even more amazing is that Haggard with his infinite evangelical wisdom (which is so much different from Christian wisdom) is promoting a new reality t.v. show. It only showcases his family values that he would put his entire family through the pains of an embarrassing nationwide theater show just to make a dirty buck. Family values indeed.
(Gazette's Opinion)
But Haggard is a part of something so much greater. Like the wide stance of Senator Larry Craig, he is one of those firm believers that in denial, he will show nation that he is happy. He isn't fooling himself though. No. Teddy is far too smart than to try and fool himself. If he wanted to fool himself, he would be an HBO miniseries (wait...). Ted is merely a monstrous symbol of the Christian and Mormon church that practice repression as a form of good faith. As Queers get excommunicated or tortured into going straight, the families of each and every homosexual is given false hope. Please! Don't be alarmed though. Ignorance is bliss right? I mean, why would you not want your child to live a lie? It's in his or her or its best interest to revel in a life long debacle. I mean, in most cases you only see a forty year old man come out to his wife of ten years and ruin his family of four, therefore giving up his house with a two car garage and hillside view. Parents are good.
Ex-gays are about as successful at being, well, ex-gays as rapper Eminem is at being Elton John's best man. Personally, I only tried to repress my gayness for about sixteen years but I mean, pfft, that's child's play compared to Haggard's new career. The importance of this Haggard and his indescretions is what breaths life into the Cerritos College Queeer Straight Alliance. Visibility is something so important to the Gay Rights movement. You see a gay man and you think, "Hair. Outfit. *cough*". Then you see two gay men in a relationship and you thin, "Hair. Outfit. *Scratches eyebrow* Oh, they exist!".
When people know the gays exist, people will accept the gays existance. Perhaps one day the knowleadge will spread like bad cholesteral and others won't be so afraid to jump out and yell, "SURPRISE! I'm totally gay."